Recovery is not a solo journey: Humans are social creatures, and strong connections can make all the difference. For women—who tend to rate their friendships as more intimate and supportive than that of men—close female friends can be vital to maintaining a happy and long-term sobriety.
In honor of Women’s History Month, let’s take a closer look at the power of female friendships. Why do they matter on the recovery journey, and how can women cultivate more friendships as they achieve and maintain sobriety?
The importance of connecting & belonging
Women often face unique struggles in recovery. Perhaps they’re juggling motherhood or caregiving responsibilities. Or they may face higher societal expectations and consequently, deeper stigma around substance use disorder as women.
Connecting with others who face similar challenges can foster a sense of understanding and belonging. Along with the comfort that comes from shared experiences, friends in recovery can help each other feel motivated, accountable, and encouraged to stay on track.
The science behind social support & recovery
Much research demonstrates that strong social bonds improve recovery outcomes. The feeling (or perception) of having social support is most important, whether the source of support comes from someone who is abstinent or not abstinent.
One study of 244 women in recovery found that the stronger their bonds were with other women, the more individual resources (social support, self-esteem, and hope) they had at their disposal. The women with strong female friendships also reported a deeper sense of optimism and personal empowerment.
On a physiological level, connecting with friends is linked with the release of oxytocin, the “love hormone.” Oxytocin can boost mood and reduce stress, perhaps helping to prevent relapse.
Adrianna’s story: From lost to found
For Adrianna, a client recovery advisor manager at Aware, building a close female friendship was critical to her growth in recovery. “The better part of my childhood was spent feeling lost, searching for love, acceptance, and value,” she recalls. Substance use seemed like a cure, yet it created more problems than she ever imagined. After several years addicted and adrift, Adrianna was able to put down drugs and remain abstinent. Yet she suffered from such low self-worth that she couldn’t make connections or find a 12-step sponsor.
“One day a beautiful woman came up to me as I stood alone [at a meeting], said hi, and asked me what step I was on. I replied, ‘Well, none. I don’t have a sponsor right now.’ She instantly hugged me and said, ‘Well, now you do!’ That was the first time in many years that I felt cared for, with no motive.”
Adrianna began doing step work with this woman and a deep friendship blossomed. She attended her bachelorette party and wedding with other women in recovery and went to conventions and dinners with the group of girls. “This woman became my person,” says Adrianna. “She showed me how to trust others and be a trusting person myself.”
As her sense of self-love and self-value grew, Adrianna was able to maintain healthy relationships. “[Female friendships] in long-term recovery have saved my life and helped me become the woman I always wanted to be,” she says.
How to cultivate friendships in recovery
While it’s often harder to make new friends in adulthood, the opportunities are there if you seek them out. Join a women’s circle or peer group. Attend an AA women’s meeting or SMART Recovery group. Seek sober social events such as book clubs, fitness groups, or creative gatherings that don’t revolve around alcohol.
Be open to new connections and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Honesty can foster deep bonds and open a world of mutual support. Remember that healthy friendships encourage personal development, not just sobriety.
It’s entirely possible that your closest friends will be old friends who are not in recovery. Just ensure that these relationships serve your sobriety rather than challenge or detract from it, and that the communication between you is healthy, loving, and supportive.
If you’re part of the Aware Recovery Care community, your client recovery advisor (CRA) can suggest ways to build social connections during recovery. Upon completing Aware’s In-Home Addiction Treatment™ (IHAT™) program, you’ll find that the Aware Alumni community can open the door to new connections with like-minded, growth-oriented people like you.
